I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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