READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
