I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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