Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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