my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
