The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
