Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
