so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
