dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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