It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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