She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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