My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
