There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
