They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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