ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
