and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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