dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
