I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
