The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
