Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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