Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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