when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
