I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
