U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
