i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
