surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
