There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
