I need to stop coming to work sober
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
