If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
