I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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