I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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