I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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