You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
