I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
