I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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