Can i not drive my cunt home
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
false alarm, still single
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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