Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
