The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
