I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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