dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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