I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
