i barfeds in our rink
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
