don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
