he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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