So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
