just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
