my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
