We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
