No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize