Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
