WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
