My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
