I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
