My room smells like vodka and shame
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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