I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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