Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
