Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
