fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
