Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
