Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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