i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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