Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this hospital has no fireball
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
