I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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