Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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