her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
