May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
two words: eviction party
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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