the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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